Alright LOVED this article so much I had to post it.
http://www.bowlofoates.com/you-suck-at-dating-and-thats-awesome/
I think this is so true. All the real relationships I've seen and awesome experiences I've had happened because there was no competition or gaming. Just pure genuine enjoyment and dedication. I hope we strive for the first list of qualities.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
That's a Wrap
Well folks the semester is over! Sadly I will miss this class a lot!
But I hope to continue writing my research and findins on the family! I believe gaining what knowledge I can before then will help me prepare to get married and have children!
This has been so beneficial for me, and I hope that it can help you as well!
I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to learn from Brother Williams, HOLY MOLY! This was a powerful class. I hope if you can you can take from him sometime, and I'm not just saying this to get brownie points. Seriously awesome.
Keep checking!
But I hope to continue writing my research and findins on the family! I believe gaining what knowledge I can before then will help me prepare to get married and have children!
This has been so beneficial for me, and I hope that it can help you as well!
I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to learn from Brother Williams, HOLY MOLY! This was a powerful class. I hope if you can you can take from him sometime, and I'm not just saying this to get brownie points. Seriously awesome.
Keep checking!
Merry Christmas!
The Baggage of Divorce
This week we discussed the effects of divorce.
What kept coming on my mind was the effect it must have on the children. Yes, Mom and Dad are unhappy, but all of the sudden the child's life is molded around their parent's problems. Their soccer games, play dates, school work, hobbies are not determined by circumstances of divorce, whether they are at mom or dad's, etc. Since the baggage of divorce is pretty heavy their problems are too small to be handled too seriously.
Man it is tough on everyone. Even when you are struggling making decisions as a couple because you have different opinions, after the divorce you are still making most big decisions about your children together. So now you are no longer married, but still making these decisions together.
If I could share one thing I thought was important, it was that the parents allow their children to say and feel however they are feeling. Don't try to win them over and be the favorite parent, don't allow their decisions between you to become a competition. I will try to give some good and bad comparisons.
Child says:
"I miss my old friends!"
Avoid saying: "Well we don't live there anymore you'll just have to forget it and make new friends."
Try to say something like: "I totally understand that you miss your friends, they were really fun and you were really close. We will do something fun and invite the kids here over and see who you would like to hang out with here."
Child says:
"Frank is not my Dad!"
Avoid saying: "Why would you say that!? Frank has done so much for you!"
Try to say something like: "I know he is not your Father, this must be a big change for you, but we are trying to make this work, what could we do to help you feel more comfortable?"
I think this is vital! Sadly I see a lot of adults push their kid's feelings to the side! But just like we need to communicate and allow others to express their side of a conflict, we need to listen to children and acknowledge what they are feeling in order to address their true need, what lies beneath the surface. Even if their initial feelings are irrational, frustrating, or not what you want to hear, it is HOW THEY FEEL! they can't change that. So let them feel, be there, get to the heart of it and love them.
What kept coming on my mind was the effect it must have on the children. Yes, Mom and Dad are unhappy, but all of the sudden the child's life is molded around their parent's problems. Their soccer games, play dates, school work, hobbies are not determined by circumstances of divorce, whether they are at mom or dad's, etc. Since the baggage of divorce is pretty heavy their problems are too small to be handled too seriously.
Man it is tough on everyone. Even when you are struggling making decisions as a couple because you have different opinions, after the divorce you are still making most big decisions about your children together. So now you are no longer married, but still making these decisions together.
If I could share one thing I thought was important, it was that the parents allow their children to say and feel however they are feeling. Don't try to win them over and be the favorite parent, don't allow their decisions between you to become a competition. I will try to give some good and bad comparisons.
Child says:
"I miss my old friends!"
Avoid saying: "Well we don't live there anymore you'll just have to forget it and make new friends."
Try to say something like: "I totally understand that you miss your friends, they were really fun and you were really close. We will do something fun and invite the kids here over and see who you would like to hang out with here."
Child says:
"Frank is not my Dad!"
Avoid saying: "Why would you say that!? Frank has done so much for you!"
Try to say something like: "I know he is not your Father, this must be a big change for you, but we are trying to make this work, what could we do to help you feel more comfortable?"
I think this is vital! Sadly I see a lot of adults push their kid's feelings to the side! But just like we need to communicate and allow others to express their side of a conflict, we need to listen to children and acknowledge what they are feeling in order to address their true need, what lies beneath the surface. Even if their initial feelings are irrational, frustrating, or not what you want to hear, it is HOW THEY FEEL! they can't change that. So let them feel, be there, get to the heart of it and love them.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Daddy Day Care
To learn more about Fatherhood we were assigned to write a paper on an article we found about Fatherhood. I really LOVED this article so I just want to put it here for you to read and my favorite points.
Article: Fathers connecting with their children.
1: Quality vs Quantity. Studies show that HOW much time a father spends with his children is not as influential as HOW or WHAT they use that time for. 15 minutes of high interactive activity is better for a child than hours of being in the same room but not being "together".
Article: Fathers connecting with their children.
1: Quality vs Quantity. Studies show that HOW much time a father spends with his children is not as influential as HOW or WHAT they use that time for. 15 minutes of high interactive activity is better for a child than hours of being in the same room but not being "together".
2. Consistency. A Father's support and love should be unconditional. If it comes and goes, his child may emotionally vulnerable or unsafe at times.
3. Improved self control and sense of capability and confidence.
4. Promote self reliance but provide back up support.
5. Teach by example. Living what you believe, and expect for your children is the best lecture to give.
5. Teach by example. Living what you believe, and expect for your children is the best lecture to give.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Law and Order
Today we got on the topic of how to handle a battle between your children. Brother Williams said something divine!
"Don't be the judge or jury in your children's fights"
When confrontation arises, don't think so much about who is responsible, who's fault it is, or who caused it, but who is affected by the problem.
As much as it is natural to jump in, take sides, and say who is in the wrong, it is so much better to step back, just be present, and allow them to handle the situation.
Simple prompts can help them along in the handling process, but let them take the lead.
Rules about rules:
When making "house rules" consider the following: Less is more. Make a few important and specific rules.
When confronting conflict send i-Messages. no...not from you iPhone. An iMessage is something like this.
"I feel ________ because __________. I would like _________"
These messages get across more effectively.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Telephone
Have you ever played a game of telephone, where you whisper something down the line, and it comes out horribly wrong? Can you see why communication is important? Especially in relationships?
Have you ever heard a foreign language and felt so lost?
Communication is important to be truly understood.
I chose to become a missionary for my church. And when I received my calling, I was assigned to teach the Gospel to people in Swedish. Now I don't know if many of you know this, but in Sweden, they start to learn English at a very young age! about 3rd/4th grade. Needless to say most of the Swedes, spoke better English than I spoke Swedish, even by the end of my 18 months.
But alas, I was called to teach them in their own language so they could truly understand.
If you have learned a second language you know that you can begin to understand it very well, but still it might not ring as true as your native tongue.
One thing Brother Williams brought up this week that I really liked was, maybe we each have our own "love language". And no, not like the 5 Love Languages book. But Maybe we need to seek to understand what helps our spouses truly understand, even if it is different than what works best for us.
During communication their is a process everything we say goes through.
The original idea is said, encoded, delivered, received, and then must be decoded. During the delivery process certain types of media, such as tone, and body language can be misunderstood therefore being incorrectly decoded. Have you ever gotten a text that was horribly misunderstood? haha
The idea is to deliver things in their true meaning But this is difficult. here is something that could help you consider how to communicate better. I know it helped me.
Communicate not only in a way to be understood, but in a way that you cannot be misunderstood.
Have you ever heard a foreign language and felt so lost?
Communication is important to be truly understood.
I chose to become a missionary for my church. And when I received my calling, I was assigned to teach the Gospel to people in Swedish. Now I don't know if many of you know this, but in Sweden, they start to learn English at a very young age! about 3rd/4th grade. Needless to say most of the Swedes, spoke better English than I spoke Swedish, even by the end of my 18 months.
But alas, I was called to teach them in their own language so they could truly understand.
If you have learned a second language you know that you can begin to understand it very well, but still it might not ring as true as your native tongue.
One thing Brother Williams brought up this week that I really liked was, maybe we each have our own "love language". And no, not like the 5 Love Languages book. But Maybe we need to seek to understand what helps our spouses truly understand, even if it is different than what works best for us.
During communication their is a process everything we say goes through.
The original idea is said, encoded, delivered, received, and then must be decoded. During the delivery process certain types of media, such as tone, and body language can be misunderstood therefore being incorrectly decoded. Have you ever gotten a text that was horribly misunderstood? haha
The idea is to deliver things in their true meaning But this is difficult. here is something that could help you consider how to communicate better. I know it helped me.
Communicate not only in a way to be understood, but in a way that you cannot be misunderstood.
9-1-1!
When you think of Crisis what comes to mind?
This week we discussed how Crisis is not just a dangerous, threatening event. But crisis really is opportunities. Trials are not just something we must bear, but the are chances to learn.
Many of us have noticed that even if different people experience the same crisis, they come out on top differently. How is this? check out this equation.
Actual Event
Behavioral Responses
+ Cognitions (how you define the crisis)
total eXperience
According to this equation, the determining factors in how we come out of something are, how we react, and how we define a "problem". I believe that we do choose how our circumstances affect us. Simply put our attitudes can make a world of difference in the ride of life. Do you think it's poosible to look at "problems" as events or opportunities instead?
We often speak of "coping mechanisms". Brother Williams said something that changed my entire outlook on the theory of crisis.
Coping means: Minute changes in direction (made early on) so things fit better latter on.
The little things we do now really can change our future. The tinniest minute things can adjust our course.
As a pilot President Uchtedorf from The First Presidency of The Church knows that each degree matters when flying a plane to a specific destination. The slightest change in degree can alter your course immensely. He tell us that this also applies to life.:
"The difference between happiness and misery often comes to an error of only a few degrees."
Cool to think that we can prepare now to come out on top in the future!
This week we discussed how Crisis is not just a dangerous, threatening event. But crisis really is opportunities. Trials are not just something we must bear, but the are chances to learn.
Many of us have noticed that even if different people experience the same crisis, they come out on top differently. How is this? check out this equation.
Actual Event
Behavioral Responses
+ Cognitions (how you define the crisis)
total eXperience
According to this equation, the determining factors in how we come out of something are, how we react, and how we define a "problem". I believe that we do choose how our circumstances affect us. Simply put our attitudes can make a world of difference in the ride of life. Do you think it's poosible to look at "problems" as events or opportunities instead?
We often speak of "coping mechanisms". Brother Williams said something that changed my entire outlook on the theory of crisis.
Coping means: Minute changes in direction (made early on) so things fit better latter on.
The little things we do now really can change our future. The tinniest minute things can adjust our course.
As a pilot President Uchtedorf from The First Presidency of The Church knows that each degree matters when flying a plane to a specific destination. The slightest change in degree can alter your course immensely. He tell us that this also applies to life.:
"The difference between happiness and misery often comes to an error of only a few degrees."
Cool to think that we can prepare now to come out on top in the future!
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