Dating 2.0

There is something about the world, everything is constantly in "upgrade mode"  a pattern, just like every time a new iPhone comes out, and you HAVE to have it. The world loves to redefine things.

The world even tries to redefine marriage. This has had many ripple effects on our cultural habits. 

Because Marriage is being redefined, so is dating... shocker! Makes sense though right? Today we analyzed some cool things about dating. 

So many people say dating is dead. Now a days everyone is just hanging out. I am like this, I love just chillin and flying by the seat of my pants. Is just hanging out bad? What is the difference between just hanging out and actually dating? Do you care? How is dating being redefined and how does it effect your dating experience?

Here are some really good SHORT articles. I wouldn't put them on here if they weren't worth reading! Read em!
Hanging Out Hooking up and Celestial Marriage by Bruce A. Chadwick


Here are Brother Williams 3 P's of dating

Planned: Planned ahead of time. (Not EVERY single time, we all love spontaneity, but more than not)
Paid for: Doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but costs are taken care of
Paired off: You know who you are with, and they are your focus for that time.


Now here's a cool connection...In The Family Proclamation to the World, it states the roles of a husband are to...
Provide
Preside
Protect 
What correlation can you see between each set of the three P's?

We have a natural need to feel taken care of, safe, and wanted. During exclusive dating, it is important to feel reaffirmed in these areas. It is good to see your special someone in all types of situations, good and bad, over a period of time. You learn things about someone when you see how they react to a variety of circumstances. Although no one is perfect, you learn how to handle things together. If you feel alone, or like you are carrying the bulk of the relationship... time for readjustment my friend. Remember, it shouldn't even just be 50/50. You should both be putting in 100%.

Here's another common controversy. If it's important not to pair off in an exclusive relationship too early, why do we label people as "players" when they take lots of people out at the same time? This brings us to the law of "Attachment"  There are 5 axis in attachment.

                   Know                   Trust                   Rely                 Commit                 Touch

There needs to be a balance on all of these axis. From what I've seen in relationships, once they rely on one person to be who they spend all their time with, the level of commitment goes up. Or if your have a lot of physical contact with someone, you feel more attached, but maybe you are not committed to each other. So if you are focusing on the physical part of the relationship, yet you are lacking in commitment, the trust and reliance then run low, this can lead to a rocky road!

Don't feel like a player if you want to take lots of people out to find who is right for you! But build up the important things first. Find people who catch your attention and have fun getting to know them. Attractiveness only lasts a few weeks after you find out you don't have anything in common, or you can't stand their personality. If you don't want to commit to one relationship, don't go on dates and make out and drop people. As T-swift says "Players gonna play play play play play, and haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate." Don't give the haters a reason to hate! Date right.

When you find someone who you want to be with, use the three T's.

Togetherness ( have a variety of activities)
Talk (REALLY TALK)
Time

What does Love mean? There are different levels and definitions of love. To me love is when you put someone else before yourself, because making them happy makes you happy. One of my close friends told me this when I asked him how he knew he wanted to marry his girl. "I always wanted to be with her, and if I wasn't with her I wouldn't to be doing something for her." There ya have it folks, true, selfless love.

I would love to hear thoughts, and theories if you don't agree with some of this!
If you don't want to post on the blog for the public, messaging me works great too.:)

For generations to come.

This week we discussed how sometimes family units tend to have certain patterns or trends?

Does your family have something that has been around for generations? Has your family always had a dog? Has the oldest sibling always had the most responsibility? Are the fathers work aholics?

What effects do these patterns have in your life? 

The interesting thing about family patterns is that they tend to stick around 3-4 generations.
Now I don't think we can make strong generalizations about patterns. Patterns are not forced upon us. We see both good and bad, and we choose to continue or end behaviors.The family unit shapes us and prepares us for many things to come.

 I'm a big believer that we are creatures who learn from both first and secondhand experience.

Sometimes If an older sibling makes certain lifestyle choices that are "wrong" parents can then overcorrect to make up the difference. They do everything in their power to avoid those outcomes for their other children. When hello, those children got to see the consequences very closely. They watched their older siblings go through something impactful. In most situations I think this automatically leads them to try to stop and think, and avoid going down the exact same road. Sometimes it is tricky, knowing that the younger generations idolize older people's behaviors. And sometimes it has a negative impact. Unfortunately some people don't understand something until they go through it firsthand. Experience. This is called: Life. It is how we learn, change, and grow.

Whatever the "traditions of our fathers" are, we must remember the power of the individual. Most of the time we don't get to see the immediate effects of our efforts. But given time, generations will be effected by the choices we make now. You ARE making a difference.

"The past is to be learned from, but not lived in."- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Myths

How many of us have heard that 50% or half or marriages end in divorce? How many times have we heard that? Personally I have heard it at least 10-20 times. Have you ever wondered where that statistic comes from? Brother Williams shared with us that research actually shows that 25% of marriages end in divorce...

Today in Family Relations we discussed some really interesting myths about the family.

Common myths:

-Opposites attract.
When it comes down to it. We are more successful with people with a similar backgrounds and values/goals. Of course we are each different, but usually opposites that are extreme which attract us at first, are the things we struggle with after marriage.

-Having children Increases Marital Satisfaction.
While having a child is incredibly fulfilling, it requires new energy and time. Having a child, for most means stretching the financial belt and can cause worry. The energy and time you were able to put on your relationship is now focused on your child instead of each other. Now, having a child is amazing, can and does increase happiness for a successful couple. But many couples who are struggling think that having a baby will solve their problems. This is the side of the myth.

-Happily Married People don't have conflict.
 This one is pretty obvious right? This is why communication and problem solving come in handy. It is impossible to dodge or avoid conflict altogether. But those who can work  through them together are happy:)

(This next myth is not from my family relations class, but I think it's a good one)
-A relationship is 50/50
One of my mission Dads always told me "This is the wrong way to think about it If each of you is only willing to give 50% what happens when one of you is struggling and can't make up your part? You have to each be willing to go 100% so that when one of you is struggling, the other one is there."

So what are your thoughts about these myths? Do you think they are true? False?



   

FAML160

This Semester I am studying Family Relations where we look into the family unit: how we can contribute, what role certain factors play in relationships and development, and so on. Our teacher has invited us to blog about our findings--and I think it's awesome!

I just want to share my thoughts and why I am so passionate about The Family. I do not believe it is a coincidence that God set us up in families, and that they are the most fundamental units we are involved in. I know that we find strength in family. Sure we have struggles, but there is a gravity that pulls us together. I find joy in my family, in trying to understand each other and figure out what I can do better and how I can help them more. Life would be so boring if we didn't have all of our quirks and stupidities. We shouldn't be ashamed for being different than everybody else. We are each separate and unique for a purpose.

Together we are powerful. 

What The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints teaches us about the family.