That's a Wrap

Well folks the semester is over! Sadly I will miss this class a lot!

But I hope to continue writing my research and findins on the family! I believe gaining what knowledge I can before then will help me prepare to get married and have children!

This has been so beneficial for me, and I hope that it can help you as well!

I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to learn from Brother Williams, HOLY MOLY! This was a powerful class. I hope if you can you can take from him sometime, and I'm not just saying this to get brownie points. Seriously awesome.

Keep checking!

Merry Christmas! 

The Baggage of Divorce

This week we discussed the effects of divorce.

What kept coming on my mind was the effect it must have on the children. Yes, Mom and Dad are unhappy, but all of the sudden the child's life is molded around their parent's problems. Their soccer games, play dates, school work, hobbies are not determined by circumstances of divorce, whether they are at mom or dad's, etc.  Since the baggage of divorce is pretty heavy their problems are too small to be handled too seriously.

Man it is tough on everyone. Even when you are struggling making decisions as a couple because you have different opinions, after the divorce you are still making most big decisions about your children together. So now you are no longer married, but still making these decisions together.

If I could share one thing I thought was important, it was that the parents allow their children to say and feel however they are feeling. Don't try to win them over and be the favorite parent, don't allow their decisions between you to become a competition. I will try to give some good and bad comparisons.

Child says:
"I miss my old friends!"
Avoid saying: "Well we don't live there anymore you'll just have to forget it and make new friends."
Try to say something like: "I totally understand that you miss your friends, they were really fun and you were really close. We will do something fun and invite the kids here over and see who you would like to hang out with here."

Child says:
"Frank is not my Dad!"
Avoid saying: "Why would you say that!? Frank has done so much for you!"
Try to say something like: "I know he is not your Father, this must be a big change for you, but we are trying to make this work, what could we do to help you feel more comfortable?"


I think this is vital! Sadly I see a lot of adults push their kid's feelings to the side! But just like we need to communicate and allow others to express their side of a conflict, we need to listen to children and acknowledge what they are feeling in order to address their true need, what lies beneath the surface. Even if their initial feelings are irrational, frustrating, or not what you want to hear, it is HOW THEY FEEL! they can't change that. So let them feel, be there, get to the heart of it and love them.

Daddy Day Care

To learn more about Fatherhood we were assigned to write a paper on an article we found about Fatherhood. I really LOVED this article so I just want to put it here for you to read and my favorite points.

Article: Fathers connecting with their children.

1: Quality vs Quantity. Studies show that HOW much time a father spends with his children is not as influential as HOW or WHAT they use that time for. 15 minutes of high interactive activity is better for a child than hours of being in the same room but not being "together".

2. Consistency. A Father's support and love should be unconditional. If it comes and goes, his child may emotionally vulnerable or unsafe at times.

 3. Improved self control and sense of capability and confidence.     

 4. Promote self reliance but provide back up support.
5. Teach by example. Living what you believe, and expect for your children is the best lecture to give.

Law and Order

Today we got on the topic of how to handle a battle between your children. Brother Williams said something divine!

 "Don't be the judge or jury in your children's fights" 

When confrontation arises, don't think so much about who is responsible, who's fault it is, or who caused it, but who is affected by the problem.

As much as it is natural to jump in, take sides, and say who is in the wrong, it is so much better to step back, just be present, and allow them to handle the situation. 

Simple prompts can help them along in the handling process, but let them take the lead. 

Rules about rules:

When making "house rules" consider the following: Less is more. Make a few important and specific rules. 

When confronting conflict send i-Messages. no...not from you iPhone. An iMessage is something like this.

"I feel ________ because __________. I would like _________" 

These messages get across more effectively.